made to love

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Z6SGeaQrIU8

hey you,
help me.
peel the lethargy from my body,
reveal strips of unblemished skin
transformed under the pressure,
the heat of experience.
smooth.

you, 
wipe these wounds clean.
please.
wash them out, blow kisses with that 
soft fabric, your fingers
feel like peace to me,
my gashes are closing,
your sweet kisses
sealing them.

stroke my limbs,
ease them down,
draw their length in the pull
of your lips,
contour them
in the movement 
of your hips.

rejuvenate me.

my bones,
my bones remember now
what they're holding up
my frame is clothed,
my shoulders covered,
my legs wrapped,
my arms entangled,
in you.

with the air that
exits,
a wish escapes,
a sigh hits the roof of
my parted mouth,
eyes shut,
still awake,
to hear
to listen to the sounds
of your presence
regardless of the form it takes

i will stay awake for you.
do all or nothing for you,
healed,
i lay afresh,
i've been waiting for this.

with patience,
i've been led out of the abyss,
as you tended to me,
your sustaining touch,
holding that kiss.

navy boy

white hat tucked under your arm
double-breasted coat, 
golden buttons that shine
i never imagined that i'd like 
the stories you'd tell
i never imagined
you'd have something to say
beyond the frequent pauses i'd make
afraid of hogging the conversation
awkwardly sipping my americano
while you stared right into my face
blues eyes with pupils i'd hope
would dilate, so i'd knew like science told me
you were interested in actually staying.

hearing such a different song
from what i'd usually sing
you were happy to talk to me
get to know me
tell me things
remember what i liked and
be what i wanted
at a time when i realised
i could no longer blame myself
for an act i never committed.

long fingers, and your pale hands
wondering why you'd be so brave
trying to reach out to a black beauty
you'd never be able to save
and that's when it hit me
that my thoughts were rotting themselves
fermenting in their sorrow,
i had become someone else.

afraid of the scope of difference
in us that my eyes would recognise, 
they constantly fell
back down to our little table
our cozy little corner
with little pictures on the side.
regardless, the best things happen
when we forget to remind time
that we need that affection
how we're starved and we're so restless.

you're not chunky,
you're fine.
i'm not afraid to touch you.
i'm not afraid to smile
when i find something you say funny,
and when i see you blushing 
are you really this shy,
but my smile turns into questions
for answers 
i hope one day 
you won't have to hide.

thank you mr skype

today you asked me whether you could speak to your son.
i'm not even your wife.
you're not even my husband.
but i won't get involved.

take me back, to when we would laugh as the kid
walked out the door, in search of mom
who had left to look after her ailing father.
once, twice, thrice a month.
but we're okay.
because you took care of us,
we laughed at the kid.
who thought she was so far away
that she was in australia.
his "australian mama".

fast forward it a couple of years.
the faithful husband feels like the faithful extra.
the wound deepens as the money gets stuck
like a bone in his throat,
piercing through every time he speaks.
he rasps and cuts
with words in between his teeth.

one day,
she says i don't know what to believe,
he'll sell me for money,
he'll sell me real cheap.
so back we go, scarborough fair moved from down the road,
it's a live auction,
for what cannot be bought with gold.

i remember you washing toilets,
cooking lentils over a tiny stove,
your huge frame hovering over us,
making us eat, so you could watch us grow.
polishing our shoes till our faces shone in them,
brushing my hair, so the whole world could see
my face.

then i remember you defeated. pulling that knot of silk away from your neck,
a marks and spencers man, walking in shoes,
that previously we'd have to sell our souls to afford.
you'd sit down and simultaneously, a hand would extend,
the tv zaps on,
and you move from one world onto the next.

you never picked up a brush again,
and you certainly never scared me.
you got old,
and weary. and i could not give you anymore happiness
than a stamp of that A on a piece of paper you never had.
but i had other plans.
see i wanted to see the world, beyond the two extremes i had known.
i wanted to fly away like her,
and i want to feel what some feel,
when they discover they were made for more,
than living the stationary life between the strings of newton's cradle.
i was suffocating,
under your silence,
and yet you were unable
to snap out of your trance,
between the western unions,
and the local masters,
you tried to brave the whip,
but the lashes came.
bottle to your lips,
the lashes fade.
we remained,
we remain.

today you asked me whether you could speak to your son.
it'd been so long since i heard you.
i don't wear shoes that need shining,
my hair is always in my eyes,
my heart is hurting.
but of course, you can speak to him.
please, please, just don't ever ask,
me that again.
my friend,
my light,
my strength.

Str!ngin Along

www.sefaliwo.wordpress.com

this blog has been a constant source of inspiration for me. it will be your daily dose of positivity, compassion and peace, should you commit to reading it. not only have i enjoyed its content, but i've been impressed by its organisation, its clarity and its diversity in representing all forms of expression: photography, art, videography, and creative writing.

please check it out, help a fellow blogger and be inspired always.

fightersalways xx

Lost in Ransom Park

I went for a walk

A walk in the woods

Dwarfed by the big brown trees

Curious and lost i stood.

I marvelled at the adventure

I wondered at their lives

Admist the decaying matter

I was experiencing life.

I whispered to them quietly

Asking them to take my pain away

And they replied swiftly saying

They could not make promises

For they only knew that after the night

Cometh the day.

They were far away from the evils of men

And I huddled in their embraces

Was just a little leaf that lost her way

But they knew as did I that like leaves on a tree, no I

I would not stay.

Following the path ahead of me

I walked through the wilderness

Just to find an end

I walked to get out.
Away from it all

But I only paved a road I could not bend.



For it was back to the crevasses of my heart that it led.

A circle in a forest, a halo settling around my head.

frustrated

i've tried to get rid of this feeling so many times
i feel like it's just sunken in so deep
i can't find
anything i lost with you anymore
it's should seem like relief
man, i dont know anymore

it's gone from just thoughts
all the way down to my heart,
and now it feels wedged in between my ribs
this problem, that person, this story, that cut

i find it so hard to tell him that i love him
when i'm trembling inside
love might make you stronger
but love can make you cry
hurt is something we both have been so used to
i haven't shed a single tear
i'm trying to be stronger still
i'm feeling all the pressure
and yet i'm holding it in
still why should i have any right to do something like that
at the end of the day am i really going to leave him with that?
how fair is it when we have so little time?
how fair is it when he's so quiet about his heart, yet he's already got mine?
i don't want to screw this one up
so please don't take my silence for distaste
i'm hoping you'll be there for me
unlike the others, who leave before i wake.

i'm just standing here taking wave after wave
nothing is slowing down
nothing is stopping my world from caving in
nothing is swirling around me
it's like i am the debris, floating in empty space

she wasnt there when i needed her
she wasnt there for you either
why do you keep going back to that hurt?
hasn't life taught you? you love and you learn.
what kind of love leaves you crippled and blind,
surely not the type that makes you grow, uh uh not that kind.

i have to accept things are and will always be beyond my control.
but i'm human, i can only take so much.
i feel like i'm going to explode.
and shatter this frame
for this day, please God... no more.