Lost in Ransom Park

I went for a walk

A walk in the woods

Dwarfed by the big brown trees

Curious and lost i stood.

I marvelled at the adventure

I wondered at their lives

Admist the decaying matter

I was experiencing life.

I whispered to them quietly

Asking them to take my pain away

And they replied swiftly saying

They could not make promises

For they only knew that after the night

Cometh the day.

They were far away from the evils of men

And I huddled in their embraces

Was just a little leaf that lost her way

But they knew as did I that like leaves on a tree, no I

I would not stay.

Following the path ahead of me

I walked through the wilderness

Just to find an end

I walked to get out.
Away from it all

But I only paved a road I could not bend.



For it was back to the crevasses of my heart that it led.

A circle in a forest, a halo settling around my head.

unnamed

It's so easy to walk away. 

To end it all with that extra decibel. But to be silent
while the world watches,

while the stopwatches, and the timers, and alarms

and everything else that could possibly
hold you accountable
for something you
haven't
done
goes off...

that's when the gravity of the earth no longer holds you to ground.
That's when no one else needs to understand.
That is the bliss, of you
and only you, knowing something
like an unimportant secret,

what you
and only you,
can hold inside that clenched fist of yours.

There's so much I had to say to you. But I've always had so much to say. Now, just to be different, I let the foreign silence bridge the insatiable gap between our souls.

There has to be feeling when there are no words left.
There has to be understanding when all we have time for is one look.
There has to be forgiveness when we leave ourselves behind,
so we can find others.   

The words are at the tips of my fingers.
My strength seems to fade at my lips.
There's a struggle in my voice, an audible rasp, before
I give in.

The restraint seems to find me in time. I won't shout out to you. I'll just let you pass.
I won't disturb you.
My fingers still stretch out, and the light dances on them.
I pull them away, bring them close to my heart. Tight, balled-up fists. These hot,
                                                                                                                            angry                             hands are learning Patience.

Dawn is always missed by those that watch the stars -

29 November 2011 00:35

                                             

unnamed

fierce flames lick under the skin. she was right. they burn,
anguish curls around my lips and my tongue and my finger and my veins.
where are you? where will you be tomorrow, and day after,

and the day after next?
when time keeps passing us by,
and you are drawn further away,
a figment of my imagination 
a scar of my past a story
i'll never tell to someone else, 
even if they asked.

time heals all pain. he said.
is he right? i'll wait to tell you. 
but right now, it is the ring of clashing notes in my ear, the constant strumming of your guitar, the beating, 
the bold beating of your heart, and the music in your life,
that i miss.

i remember the creases in your eyes, those lines of fatigue, defeat and laughter.
i remember the black and white blocks on your head,
chunks of hair missing,
other harshly brushed over to hide the marks of someone else trying to engrave their story into your skull,
to let it soak to the bone.

i remember the harshness of your hands,
their smallness,
the bitten nails,
the papery feeling of coarse skin and dry cells.
and then i remember your face. all your faces. all my fears are all part of you. the same body made of different pieces from different times.
you cannot be named.
    her eyes,
          his nose,
you.
                    all of you, scattered across the pavement.

 "all this feels strange and untrue, and i won't waste a minute without you." 

11 April 2012 17:21