invisible chains

torn between following 
calls of my faith
and the calls of what
today young girls and guys 
frolic in

trying to find a balance
a compromise
between two worlds that
were ironically created to 
share in each other 
but today there is a divide
that stretches across an ocean
right in the cavity of my chest

looking to my right my family
looks up wondering why im
not what they raised me to be
the left, to the left i see my friends
mixed bag of emotions
she's too much for us
stop over thinking
why can't she just let loose

if it's always been about truth
who am i supposed to be truthful to?
don't say to myself
because if i had that choice
i don't know if i'd feel this guilty
i haven't even done anything wrong
i haven't even given anything away

if i go to a counselor
and ask her to sort out my head
should i be asking my father in heaven instead?
or am i just tormented to live with a divide
my whole life
what if i don't agree with him
what if i have to say something i don't think he'll agree with
why am i so chained down by
a force i can't see
why am i so lost in following 
being obligated to 
listen to
something
someone
i haven't even met yet

He's done so much good for me
but why do i feel like breaking away
ruined inside
ruined outside
i'm getting ready to leg it away
hesitating, lunging within my heart
trying to reach for what i want
but seems like i'm on a leash
faith is meant to set you free
but it's relative
convenient to context
sounds good sometimes
sounds like a burden other times

so where is this common ground
can i have common ground
am i allowed to ask for protection
if i don't offer allegiance
is it fair trade if i believe in different things
and i won't agree to a contract
written in somebody else`s blood
long before i was even born

unable to let go
unwanting to be an idol of hypocrisy
and hidden choices
unable to be free
little boxes for me
a dismembered body
and yet,
look at me.
you wouldn't even know.
i look whole.