I remember watching my two bestfriends dance like crazy to this song. It was my 17th birthday, everyone else had left. We were all dancing, I can remember everything...down to what we were wearing and which lights were on in the house. They were in a world of their own when that song came on. I mean they absolutely loved it. Angharad's weird taste in this music just got me shaking my head, it was expected...but then Steph, who's supposed to have the best music taste among all of us, started going mental with Ango on this song. I was just like, "God, what on earth have you done with my bestfriends??"
I never thought this song was anything special. Like ever.
Then...I watched The Perks of Being a Wallflower. It is a brilliant movie about overcoming your demons, creating new ones, making mistakes, feeling like you were one, and then just, coming out of it all with some sort of purpose at the end of the day...some sort of feeling like life goes on, and those that matter will find you, will come to wherever you are, just to be with you- to click 'replay', and get that old cassette player going again.
Watching Sam, Charlie and Patrick dance to that song, I could relate so much to him, to Charlie...waiting on the sidelines, only to get pulled in by two eager sets of arms, only to be pushed into the chasm between surviving and living. Remember what it felt like taking that breath after being underwater so long? Or what it was to reach the end of the line after a race? Maybe what it was like to reach home and freefall in your bed, dead tired?
My friends relieved me of my exhaustion. Life isn't about being hyper. Yet, it's still about having the last bit of energy, that'll make you go the mile, even if you're tired. Like Charlie, I was starting to get bad again. There are different kinds of 'bad'. For me, it wasn't the drugs, it wasn't the alcohol, it was forgetting that people do move on if they let themselves. It has been very hard for me, just because I forget sometimes, that it is possible. I need reasons, to go back to being 'bad'. Thing is, if you search for reasons, you'll find them...anything from abuse and poverty to the pressures of being in the limelight and monied. But the point is to look beyond it all, to just freakin' break loose, and let go to give yourself a chance.
I found that I love starting again. Wipe my slate clean, go on. I'll still be able to make it. I'll still be able to leave my mark. Not because I have to, but because I choose to. I'm trying and although, a lot of things from my past seem to crop up now, I will make sure I will deal with them gracefully. There's nothing else to do if I want to be someone that believes in fairness and truth.
I realised, after watching that movie...that if I ever got the chance again, things would be different.
It was the 'four of us' that day, posing for that picture, 'la quartet', the wolfpack, lol all our lame ass names. It was. The only thing that hasn't changed is that it is still and will always be, Ango's and Sefa's song. I'd give anything to watch them dance to it again, and you know what? Maybe the next time...I'll join in for sure.
I never thought this song was anything special. Like ever.
Then...I watched The Perks of Being a Wallflower. It is a brilliant movie about overcoming your demons, creating new ones, making mistakes, feeling like you were one, and then just, coming out of it all with some sort of purpose at the end of the day...some sort of feeling like life goes on, and those that matter will find you, will come to wherever you are, just to be with you- to click 'replay', and get that old cassette player going again.Watching Sam, Charlie and Patrick dance to that song, I could relate so much to him, to Charlie...waiting on the sidelines, only to get pulled in by two eager sets of arms, only to be pushed into the chasm between surviving and living. Remember what it felt like taking that breath after being underwater so long? Or what it was to reach the end of the line after a race? Maybe what it was like to reach home and freefall in your bed, dead tired?
My friends relieved me of my exhaustion. Life isn't about being hyper. Yet, it's still about having the last bit of energy, that'll make you go the mile, even if you're tired. Like Charlie, I was starting to get bad again. There are different kinds of 'bad'. For me, it wasn't the drugs, it wasn't the alcohol, it was forgetting that people do move on if they let themselves. It has been very hard for me, just because I forget sometimes, that it is possible. I need reasons, to go back to being 'bad'. Thing is, if you search for reasons, you'll find them...anything from abuse and poverty to the pressures of being in the limelight and monied. But the point is to look beyond it all, to just freakin' break loose, and let go to give yourself a chance.
I found that I love starting again. Wipe my slate clean, go on. I'll still be able to make it. I'll still be able to leave my mark. Not because I have to, but because I choose to. I'm trying and although, a lot of things from my past seem to crop up now, I will make sure I will deal with them gracefully. There's nothing else to do if I want to be someone that believes in fairness and truth.
I realised, after watching that movie...that if I ever got the chance again, things would be different.
It was the 'four of us' that day, posing for that picture, 'la quartet', the wolfpack, lol all our lame ass names. It was. The only thing that hasn't changed is that it is still and will always be, Ango's and Sefa's song. I'd give anything to watch them dance to it again, and you know what? Maybe the next time...I'll join in for sure.
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| 'for you that love to dance <3 ' |
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