just when i thought something was finally going right, that i was figuring something out to get a little closer to what i wanted to do with my life, the clock stopped. i don't know if i can stick to my perfectly manicured plan. right now with school, i can see only two classes where i really feel the time i spend is returned with decent grades.
sometimes the stress i deal with is standard. i feel like everyone's being challenged and i shouldn't complain, just get better at what i do. i don't know whether i'm justified when i realize i'm not cut out for something. i feel like going into law maybe the right thing after all. and then i get worried, because maybe i like it only because it hasn't bored me yet.
the lack of motivation, the loss of motivation that i've been feeling lately is so worrying. there are days when i've had things planned to do, things that i have needed to get done so i can take it easier later on, so i can comfortably meet my deadlines. i don't do anything those days. i just wile away my time, because even the thought of starting these papers, writing these long essays freaks me out. i doubt every word i type. i criticize the substance of my thoughts even before i complete my sentences.
maybe that's why i never finish my sentences. like a cold gust of air, rushing through you in between the holes that form between your arms and your sleeves, the warmth of my body fades with every millimeter of skin that curls in antagonism toward the creeping feeling that i'm going the wrong way. i'm saying the wrong thing.
it's so easy to make excuses. but one day you run out of time. and you end up feeling so hollow inside. you question how good you are at everything, and your fatigue you cannot hide. you've become a danger to your ability to live and thrive. scraping the end of the bucket, it feels like i could have definitely done better.
relief. relief, so much of it i need. how much i deserve? this don't ask me.
sometimes the stress i deal with is standard. i feel like everyone's being challenged and i shouldn't complain, just get better at what i do. i don't know whether i'm justified when i realize i'm not cut out for something. i feel like going into law maybe the right thing after all. and then i get worried, because maybe i like it only because it hasn't bored me yet.
the lack of motivation, the loss of motivation that i've been feeling lately is so worrying. there are days when i've had things planned to do, things that i have needed to get done so i can take it easier later on, so i can comfortably meet my deadlines. i don't do anything those days. i just wile away my time, because even the thought of starting these papers, writing these long essays freaks me out. i doubt every word i type. i criticize the substance of my thoughts even before i complete my sentences.
maybe that's why i never finish my sentences. like a cold gust of air, rushing through you in between the holes that form between your arms and your sleeves, the warmth of my body fades with every millimeter of skin that curls in antagonism toward the creeping feeling that i'm going the wrong way. i'm saying the wrong thing.
it's so easy to make excuses. but one day you run out of time. and you end up feeling so hollow inside. you question how good you are at everything, and your fatigue you cannot hide. you've become a danger to your ability to live and thrive. scraping the end of the bucket, it feels like i could have definitely done better.
relief. relief, so much of it i need. how much i deserve? this don't ask me.
