returning

Aboriginal Paintings - The Boomerang Effect

Hello again :)

It's been a while since I lasted blogged. Things aren't dying down as yet. In fact if anything, I'm getting better at choosing the things I need to ignore than actually learning how to deal with them.

Everything has an expiry date for me now. Every task I need to do. That's the only thing that's keeping me going. My to-do lists are getting longer and it seems like stuff on there reincarnates itself and I'm left with a never-ending stream of new things that just pop up.

But there's nothing like the satisfaction of crossing finished tasks out. So far, I've completed 2/3 exams, confronted my biggest worry twice, confronted the thing that hurts me most over 6 times, helped a friend realise and confront something important and tried to get all my university stuff sorted.

I've got one more exam to go and that's on Wednesday. After that, got loads of uni stuff to sort out, got loads of events coming up, in between all of that, I gotta make sure I'm there to help out at home. My gramma's been looking after us now that my mom's gone but I've got the feeling that I'm leaving her alone too much, so I need to make sure that I don't make her feel alone.

I've been very conflicted recently. I've realised that I want to be impressed by my relationships. I don't want to do all the work. I don't want to always be the one that gets hurt and burdened and disadvantaged the most in the end. It doesn't matter how quickly I can recover or whether I can at all. How you go out is as important as how long you fight for. I need to keep my dignity intact and invest my energy in people that actually try and make a difference to my life.It's really not worth getting hurt over and over again because you've been let down by people.

Take as much time as you can/need to get to know them. Know their personalities, observe them, notice all the little things. Spend time and laughter and good times with them. Be there for them in their bad times. Just take it slow. Be wiser than you were yesterday because a lot depends on you. You have so much more to live for, so many more people you're going to meet and experience. Always keep your mind open and don't keep anything in your heart that you know you will regret.

At the same time, learn how to excercise restraint. Enjoy being surprised by people and their gestures towards you. Don't panic about spaces. Maybe they're meant to be there, or maybe someone else will fill them up. You can't always fix everything and especially not all by yourself. Give someone else a chance to make you feel good. It's not selfishness, it's not indulgent, it's accepting that you have a right to feel the way you treat people. So make sure, you treat people right and fairly.

Gotta go back to revising English Lit., write soon, and have a good night (or day) everyone.

FightersAlwaysxx

finding motivation

For me, motivation is a pretty hard concept to come by. Not because I am not self-motivated, but because I find it hard to translate my drive into action sometimes. Being perfectly honest here, I am talking solely about my studies.

There is so much that grabs your attention in your final year of high-school, secondary, Sixth Form or college. Literally, every experience that you missed out in your lower years, everything that you could have possibly ever wanted will smash into your gut and make you deal with its presence for 3-6 months and then make you deal with your absence from its presence for the rest of your natural life. -.- Why? Shu haada (as they would say in my hometown, Sharjah, haha) !

Now look at this, not only will you have to deal with rationing your time fairly for things that could possibly mean all  the most amazing things to you...you will also have to deal with working your behind off to protect your grades or push 'em up so you manage to keep your university offers.

It is a pretty hard thing to juggle love, friendships, family and potential projects involving things that interest you. You have to look at the things that demand your attention because after you leave you won't be able to give them the same physical attention as you would do if you were to stay. You have to satisfy your own personal aspirations since it is your last year in school because everything else you do is meaningless unless you make sure you meet your own goals. I say this because while everything you want maybe granted to you in the moment...everything you need is still awaiting you, you still need to be conscious of the decisions you make everyday that are helping to build your future, helping to build the foundation for the new frontier you are moving to. Yet, do not underestimate the influence of newly-formed relationships or experiences in adding to your bank of memories and eventually, motivating you in one way or another, to be better than you are today.

You will find that life is not just about making a path for your future. It is knowing in your heart with firm resolve that you will get to your destination, but you need to have acceptance for all the sacrifices, compromises and just generally, experiences that will break you to make you along the way.

P.S. Sometimes, just shutting yourself, and getting your shit done...is better than getting lost around distractions. Be firm with yourself, at this point...it shouldn't matter to anyone else but you.