muskoca

"you never step in the same river twice"

I remember I used to be able to guestimate the time of the present day, it was a game for children in our school since watches were something only the rich kids could afford. The fancy golden brass strap with those little hands ticking away. Today, miles and miles away from home, it seems that not only do the 's's become 'z's, but the leaves of the trees in Muskoca are changing to their mortal hues...and yet, I remain unchanged. Stagnant. The hands of a watch that doesn't work anymore.

The lake stretches out infront of me. So much water, a sea of submission, the opportunity for immersion, or then there's me, the last grain of salt... left apart to dissolve in a flurry of emotionally turbulent times.

Today, my mind has the advantage of generating thoughts my conscience can recognise, so much so that it cannot keep up with them. I think louder than I speak now. However, there is no excuse for ignorance, and no fatality worse than it. So I'm gonna try and snap out of it, this isn't silence, this isn't wisdom, this is numbness.

This rudimentary page will serve as another one of my many beginnings. Only today, the awareness with which I have to capture my thoughts add the slow effortless punch to the serious cocktail of practicality and sentimentality, of letting go to hold on, of coming age to appreciate the days of innocence passing...all, so that one day, one that lives for the joy of living in itself can enjoy the sharpness with which opportunity kick-starts the future. 

the sides of my fingers

So softly, let the nib scratch the paper.
let the moment dissolve before us.
let there be some light.
wait, while the raindrops catch the ashes
and the fight in us leaves some gashes
or some wounds, and scars.

just find me, while my tongue rolls out
incandescent words.
just hold me, when all i can see is darkness,
and i feel i can’t be heard.
no don’t defeat me, but just be there so i know
i’ll have a shelter.
just be clear, so i know your voice
and not your whisper.

let’s sit down. In the quiet before the
noise disrupts the silence.
before the birds awake and time finds our distance.
before the sunlight calls and shadows start to glisten.
just hold on.
to the fires in our souls and the magic connections.
to the passion of our hearts and our submissions.
to the beats we seek inside of our digressions.
to the rhythm in the chaos of expression.

just believe us, while we lie and still
speak the truth with wisdom.
while we pave your way, but cannot
write your existence.
when we find someone, but cannot
find their twisted
little tales.

so will you call me out into the darkness?
will you finally bring yourself back forgetting business.
will you look me in the eye against my wishes?
or will you tell me that you love me,
and give no kisses.

will the dust that you gather show the missing?
will the people that you played, lose their lisps?
or will, your wings just skyrocket to the ground
or will they swallow up the town, red and brown.

no, have i lost the brightness of tomorrow?
why do you ask me with a touch of sorrow?
do i think your words are laced with ice and pity?
do i fear you and your mind and love
that quit me?
no, you do not know what happened to our losses.
you cannot hear the passion residing in our voices.
you cannot look for that which is not there.
no you cannot be without your bones and your hair.

now hush now, let us stare out into the distance.
let me mould you, let me heal you, you’re my vision.
you’ll be the passive piece of me, the most accepting.
but you’ll find the words to say, one day you’ll say them.
just right now, in this moment, can i listen?
not jungles, or the news, or the bless’d ones.
just to you, crying, naked and undressed like
somebody took your clothes and warmth and fed them
to some lonely soul that lived life good-will hunting.

Cabo San Lucas, Mexico - sunset

09 October 2011 13:05:06