it felt like flying
gliding, sailing,
fleeting away from you.
the other half of me.
the right half.
you saw through me,
this incongruous feeling.
this breach of a parameter.
i crossed the line.
i turned off the lights.
and danced in those laserbeams.
invincible rebel.
come to me.
feed on your weaknesses.
feel free to be anything but 'me'.
i thought i wouldn't be able to remember. but i do.
i remember everything.
screaming out for you.
inside. all on the inside.
and then the curtains open,
and there you are.
standing centre stage,
spotless.
and then the mask
falls off, and they all saw you.
my demon.
the other half.
the wrong half.
"I've never fooled anyone. I've let people fool themselves. They didn't bother to find out who and what I was. Instead they would invent a character for me. I wouldn't argue with them. They were obviously loving somebody I wasn't." - Marilyn Monroe
These words haunted me so much. They made that little part of you that still lived in my heart come alive again. You awoke, and you agreed. And inside, the two roses that you gave me started crumpling from the inside with the power of that truth. All I heard of you were little stories of two months in Portugal, or the name of that stranger that was a friend, a sister, blowin' in the wind.
I've come so far. Yet, even in Toronto, I still see your face. Not the black angry eyes, or that cold blunt burning face. I still see your inquisitive eyes, that twitch you'd make with the corners of your lips when you weren't sure about something and you didn't quite know how to express the fact that it wasn't what you wanted either.
I wish you had spoken. I wish you argued with them. I wish you understood that at the end of the day, all that I wanted, was to be loved. By you.
You were my Marilyn Monroe.
